Taking Out The Trash
by MarcellusMiro66
Summary: When Lance was planning to win back Ash, he clearly wasn't planning on dealing with a koala with serious self-defense skills. Or a gun-wielding pig with Mama Bear tendencies. Or a SHOTGUN-wielding sheep with serious dating issues. (Inspired by Sammy Heroes' Taking Out The Trash)


Hi, everyone, MarcellusMiro66 here! This is a _Sing_ story inspired by **Sammy Heroes** 's _Taking Out The Trash_ , but with a twist: instead of only Buster defending Ash from Lance, Rosita and _**Nana**_ (and eventually the rest of the group) will be joining as well. There are some parts inspired by _Goodbye Lance_ by **Animation Universe 2005** , but it is (mostly) an original story. It also may or may not be set in the same universe as _I Am Wrath_.

Enjoy! If you can...

* * *

 _"Ash! Please listen to me! I'm sorry!"_

 _"Leave me alone, Lance! I don't want to hear it!"_

This was the fifth time in a week that Lance had tried – and _failed_ – to reconcile with Ash. As much as she wanted to hate him for it, she had to give him credit for his persistence. Nonetheless, said persistence was equally impressive and irritating.

It was something the group came to grips with as well. Rosita, for example, was the first to notice Ash coming back from backstage looking a little down as usual. She frowned at the sight of this and worked over to the teenage porcupine,

"Ash?"

"Oh, hey, Rosita."

"Are you okay? You're looking kinda down."

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just..."

"Lance?" Rosita cocked her head.

"Lance." Ash nodded her head. Her iPhone dings and prompted a frown from her, being fully aware of who was texting her. She pulled it out and checked the message. She huffed in frustration and deleted said message as Rosita looked on,

"Lance?"

"Lance." Ash shook her head in agitation, "This is the 27th message he has left me."

"The _27th_?"

"Apparently. At least he's persistent."

"Who's persistent?"

Rosita and Ash turned towards the door of her practice room to find the latter's boyfriend standing there in the doorway.

"Oh, hey, Johnny. ... _Lance._ _Lance_ is persistent."

"Is he still bothering you? If so – "

"Don't worry, Johnny. I already told him that I wasn't interested in getting back together."

"And yet, he's _still_ persistent."

"Who's persistent?"

Rosita, Ash, and Johnny turned to the doorway again to find Meena, Mike, and Gunter standing there. Ash was perplexed by the amount of people who seemed to care about their conversation concerning Lance. Well, it seemed that three weeks of bonding can do wonders.

" _Lance. Lance_ is persistent," Johnny spoke up this time.

"Oh, that _total super jerk dinkleschplatt?_ "

"The very same." Ash continued to delete the incoming messages as Meena questioned,

"What did he say this time?"

"He wants me and him to get back together, but I told him that I wasn't interested."

"You better," Mike crossed his arms and nodded in approval, "I never said this, but if I were you, I'd tell him to back off and stick those spikes of his where the sun don't shine."

"Honestly?" Meena furrowed her eyebrows as she readily recoiled back in repulsion.

"Hey, sweetheart, that's just me being polite _and_ honest."

Rosita shook her head, "Mike, _I_ honestly think that is a bad idea...as much as I want to say that it's a _good_ idea."

"See? Even Porky agrees with me on that."

"Agree with what?"

Everybody turned to the doorway once more to find their boss (father figure in Ash's case) Buster Moon standing there, a pen and clipboard in both hands.

"Oh, hey, Mr. Moon. Ash is being stalked by Lance... _again_."

 _Again? After everything that's happened in the past three weeks?_

Buster nodded in understanding as he smoothed out his nose bridge, thinking most of the wonderful ways that he was going to tell Lance to _back the **fuck** off_. Rosita beat him to the punch, however, "Mr. Moon, whatever you're thinking, don't _do_ it. As much as I dislike Lance, I don't believe that violence is the answer...not yet at least."

Rosita meant for that last part to be a whisper, but it was low enough. For that, she was met with a sort-up of shocked stares from the group. Never before had they heard a surprising something leave the motherly pig's mouth. This surprising something involved that the good-meaning mother and perceived pacifist actually agreed to use violence if deemed necessary.

Rosita herself didn't notice the group's stunned silence until she realized the atmosphere was silent in general, prompting her to turn to them, "What?"

"Nothing." Was the closest thing Rosita received as opposed as the group's real response. She knew that the group was stunned, but what _exactly_ she didn't knew...not yet at least.

 _"Ash!"_

Everybody was stunned still by that dreaded voice. _Lance._ They all exchanged glances with each other before Ash became the center of the spotlight. She nodded and stood up, walking onstage; Buster, Johnny, and Mike trailed behind. Rosita, Meena, and Gunter were left behind in the rehearsal room.

"Go with them, you two." Rosita suddenly spoke up.

"What?" Meena and Gunter glanced towards Rosita.

"I need to go get something." Rosita slung her bag over her shoulder as she walked away from Ash's rehearsal room, "Do me a favor and...stay by Ash's side, will you?" She walked away before either Meena and Gunter could responded. They both shared uncertain looks before nodding "Right." and running off to confront Lance. Rosita made her way up to Buster's office, where she retrieved a box and its contents.

"Hello, Miss Rosita." She turned to find Miss Crawley behind her with an empty cup of coffee ( _F_ _or Buster, no doubt_ ).

"Oh, hello, Miss Crawley." Glancing back and forth between the box and Buster's secretary, Rosita smiled her soft smile, "Miss Crawley, can you do me a favor and _not_ call the police if you hear gunshots? Because those are _not_ gunshots and instead Buster working on the sound effects and...pyrotechnics."

"Ah, I see," Miss Crawley nodded in understanding and walked off to who knows where. Rosita glanced into the box and smirked.

* * *

"Look, Lance. Whatever you have to say, save it! Just go out with Becky or something!"

"Babe, I was wrong! Becky means nothing to me! Just give me a second chance!"

 _Yeah, right._ Mike scoffed and chuckled at Lance's pleas of second chances from Ash, the both of them interlocked in a verbal war of words. It wasn't long before the profanities pulled no punches on each other. The others – especially Meena – hoped the complete opposite.

"You don't get it, do you? I told you once and I'll tell you twice: What you did to me was unforgivable, dishonest, and just plain wrong. I'm not putting up with it anymore. I _do not_ want you back."

"Ash, babe, I can change. Just give me a chance."

The second Lance grabbed Ash's wrist was the second Johnny got defensive, "Hey! I believe Ash said she _does not_ want you anymore, Lance, so back off."

Lance remained ultimately undeterred, "Oh, really? You and what army, _criminal?_ At least I'm not a lowlife like you _and_ your father!"

Unfortunately, so did Johnny, "At least I'm not a _bag o' shite_ or a _wanker_ like _YOU!_ "

 ** _"WHAT?!"_** Despite being all American by no means, Lance knew a curse word when he heard it. It was because of this that he instinctively lunged at Johnny and threw punches at him, only to be held back by Buster before he could land any.

"Hey, you prickly bonehead!" Mike bravely marched forward, "Why don't you back off before I stick your spikes where the sun don't shine!"

"Yeah!" Gunter stepped forward from behind Meena and frowned, "Leave before you must suffer the wrath of major piggy power, you _dinkleschplatt!_ "

"No, no, no!" Lance defiantly stood his ground, "I will **_not_** be brought by a short-stack talent wannabe, a German fat-ass, and an elephant riddled with stage fright!"

"... _You..._ " Meena gritted her teeth before she let loose, _"You jerk!"_

Meena practically hulked out on Lance, utilizing her trunk to toss him around a bit before Buster intervened, acting as a wall between them both. The koala slightly shoved him backward and shook his head in disapproval; he had no desire for the violence to escalate even further, needing one more insult to tempt him.

"Look, Lance, you need to leave. If Ash says she doesn't want you anymore, then she doesn't want you anymore. You have one more chance to leave. Take it or leave it."

"Listen, buddy! Get this through your thick fur: Ash is _mine! Mine!_ Nobody else's! She'll do _whatever_ I say _when ever _I say! So you and your group of theater losers better back off or else... _eucalyptus eater!_ "

Buster blinked in bewilderment. _Oh, yeah... That would do it._

Before anybody could blink as well, Buster landed five rapid punches to Lance's face and stomach, sending him backwards and into the chairs behind him. Lance tried to get up and fight back, but Buster wasn't done; in fact, Buster was _far from_ _done_. He then delivered a roundhouse kick to his face and a leg swipe to his ankles, sending him stumbling right back down. Lance was lifted by his shirt collar and punched down by Buster, whose face miraculously remained straight in his resilient rampage. Despite his size, he even hoisted him up and threw him at another row of chairs, leaving the poor porcupine shaken and stirred. All the while, the rest of the theater group looked on in astonishing awe, save for Ash and Johnny. The couple already knew of his agile abilities well in advance.

Lance pulled himself up and stared at Buster, whose face formed a satisfied smile when he trembled, "You know, I take offense to that; I actually like eucalyptuses."

"Okay, buddy, listen... I just want to – "

"No, stop. Just stop. I'm not your _buddy_."

"I'm sure as hell _I'm_ not either."

Everybody turned to the stage to find a leather-clad Rosita walking off stage, a bitter scowl slashed across her face: "You know, Lance... I don't know you that well, but I know this: You got some _fucking_ nerve to come here the moment I stand here. Ash doesn't need you, and neither do we. Leave, or else."

 _"Or what?"_ Despite the beatdown he received, Lance kept on pushing the group's buttons, "I don't know where you guys have been in the past five years, but you obviously don't know Ash like I do! If anything, she'll obey for what I do no matter what! So, you – yeah, I'm talking to you, _piggy_ – can shimmy-shammy your ass out of this. You obviously can't _ground_ me like my real mom; hell, you can't even ground me at _the end of a rainbow!_ "

To everybody's surprise, Rosita smiled and chuckled. And then _laughed_. And _chortled_. And _howled like a hyena_.

" _No... No... No._ You have absolutely no idea what a rainbow feels _or_ tastes like until you've seen me." Rosita pulled out a Beretta 92FS, topping the previous surprise, "Get ready to taste the rainbow... _bitch._ "

 ** _BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!_**

Lance's eyes widened in terror upon realizing what was happening: Rosita was shooting at him. He yelped and shot up to run away screaming as Rosita opened fire on him with her Beretta whilst screaming punching profanities:

 _"You goddamn [* **BANG!** *], soulless [* **BANG!** *] motherfucker! [* **BANG!** *] You stupid [* **BANG!** *] son of a [* **BANG!** *]_ _bitch! Yeah, you better [* **BANG!** *] fucking [* **BANG!** *] run, you sissy-ass [* **BANG!** *] pussy! [* **BANG!** *]"_

The group's jaws (save for Buster's as he was sort of expecting this) hung agape in stunned silence once more. Rosita's Beretta locked back, prompting a rapid reload as she continued her roaring rampage outside, where Lance was still in her sights. A white limousine parked onto the curb where a sheep in purple-and-black clothing stepped out on and watched as Rosita continued firing upon Lance, who was hiding behind a metal dumpster. She initially desired to call the police considering what was happening, but upon seeing _who_ Rosita was shooting at, all temptations were ditched.

"Miss Rosita, _what are you doing?_ "

Rosita ceased fire and glanced up at Nana Noodleman's quizzical frown, a rising blush being suppressed, "Oh! Miss Noodleman! I... He... Crazy stalker ex-boyfriend much?"

Nana nodded in understanding, "Ah." She then reached into her limousine to retrieve a Benelli M3 Super 90 with a pistol grip stock and a saddle shell holder, something Rosita's eyes widened upon. Surprisingly, she expertly handled and aimed the shotgun, firing one shot upon Lance when his head came into view. The panicky porcupine ran off from his hiding spot, prompting Rosita and Nana to chase after him until he was out of sight and out of mind. They shared a light laugh and Rosita shook her head,

"Wow, Miss Noodleman. I didn't know you – "

"Me neither, Miss Rosita. Me neither," Nana shook her head, "Come on, we should head back to the theater."

When they did, the rest of the theater group ran outside and bombarded Rosita with a slew of questions. However, they eventually stopped upon seeing Nana Noodleman behind her.

 _With a shotgun._

 ** _Nana Noodleman with a shotgun._**

 _"Nana...?"_

Nana rolled her eyes and glanced down at the now surprised koala, "Yes, Moon?"

Buster glanced back and forth between Nana and the Benelli, "You...have a _shotgun_."

"Yes, and Rosita has a _handgun_. So?"

"... Wow, Nana. I didn't know you – "

"Me neither, Moon. Me neither," Nana shook her head again. She gestured him to follow her into the theater and he took her left side,

"Oh, that _was_ you we saw a few weeks ago."

"... Well, you know what they say, Moon: old habits die hard."

"I guess so. So, how was your date?"

As Buster and Nana were talking business, Ash caught up with Rosita, "Thanks, Rosita. I owe you and Buster one."

Rosita smiled her motherly smile, "Oh, Ash, someone had to take out the trash. Believe me... _I_ would."

* * *

 **A/N** : A story that defies any logic available, this story is far from over. Chapter 2 involves a parallel structure between Nana and Rosita: Nana on her first date, Rosita defending Ash again when Lance comes back with some friends.


End file.
